Loving Your Self in a Size Obsessed Culture - My Story

One of my closest friends graduated from college in July 2011. I wasn’t able to attend the actual graduation ceremony, so we planned a small celebration for a later date. It was my intention to also purchase for her a small gift, and I went into a tasteful jewelry store in my hometown. I had in mind a nice watch, which the saleswoman helped me find after I explained what I wanted.

Less-Than-Friendly Service

However, when she placed the watch on my wrist for closer examination, she became much less helpful.

The watch, which had a silver band with Swarovsky crystals on the face, was apparently designed for brides. I learned this when the woman informed me it’s ideal for their “itty-bitty” wrists.

Before I could respond, or even look at the watch, she pulled it from my wrist and slid it onto her own. “See?” she asked. “It fits me better than you. Is your friend a larger woman, too?”

I was so stunned at her question that I felt dizzy for a moment.

How could another woman, much less one who works in sales, ask such a thing? And when did jewelry become designated specifically for “itty-bitty” or “larger” women?

Of course I know I am a plus size woman.

Every day I look in the mirror I see it. The size of my clothing (16 for pants, XL for shirts) is another constant clue. To be reminded of this when shopping for a gift, however, was the height of humiliation. I felt awful, like I didn’t belong in the jewelry shop because of my weight.

In a rush to end the experience, I curtly informed the woman my friend was even larger than I and turned from her surprised face for the door.

Pressure To Be Thin

This is not the first time I’ve encountered such blatant rudeness about my size. In the past, I’ve been called “big boned” and “proportionate.” Surprisingly, the worst comments have come from women. A hairdresser once commented on my chubby cheeks, and a female co-worker several years ago told me I had a long way to go in order to lose weight. This was during an intra-office “biggest loser” contest, when she performed my initial weigh-in with a digital scale and a doubtful expression.

In each of these instances, the sting of not measuring up has colored the way I see myself. I used to look in the mirror and just see me, same freckles across my nose and sandy-blonde hair as always. Now, though, my reflection reveals someone who is overweight and not very content with her appearance.

Why Can't I Just Be ME?

If my weight was any way a health problem, I might understand the concern of others. The truth is, though, that my health remains top-notch. My annual physicals always come back fine, I don’t have high cholesterol and my heart rate is normal. So why can’t I just be me, the plus-size woman who loves her family and wants to write?

I think I know the answer to this question.

It’s because I defy the accepted image of beautiful women. Like countless other females, my body does not conform to the size 4 Hollywood stereotype. Something is therefore amiss, and the public at large agrees I need to be fixed. I don’t want to be fixed, though…I just want to feel comfortable with who I am.

Like other women who have blazed their own trails – Ann Wilson and Mia Tyler, for instance – I want to stand out from the crowd.

Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but the real problem lies with my personal body image. Rather than relying on others for confirmation that I’m beautiful, I need to see myself as beautiful. And that will only come when I can confidently deflect the rude comments with, “I like being a larger woman, and I’m sorry that you only see my outside appearance rather than the beauty of my soul.”

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